Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
