Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
