batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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