I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My vagina just recognized that song.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
