also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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