Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
