Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
