I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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