I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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