Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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