Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
