I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize