He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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