First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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