the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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