bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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