Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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