I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
