oh god the rape fog is back!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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