you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
