I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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