If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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