puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
