I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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