We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize