Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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