His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
