my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize