if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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