Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
