all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
