just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize