i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
