her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
