look no pants
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
