you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
