you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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