I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
