she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
