So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
