i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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