just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
