I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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