yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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