did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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