the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
