You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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