Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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