do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
