ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
