Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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