This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
