for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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