I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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