i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
