Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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