covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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