Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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