Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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