I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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