I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
