dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
